Written: Ray West9:09am
I was born in Virginia in 1973. I was blessed with a good childhood. My family was middle class. From a very early age I've always enjoyed doing things my way. Not in a controlling type manner, but seeing how far my imagination could entertain me. Like most people growing up.
Going outside to play with friends, acorn fights, snowball fights, building forts in the back yard, flashlight tag, playing Atari 2600, throwing a ball against my folks house catching the ball and throwing it to my dog to catch--- like making an out on first base. I miss my dog Jake. Very special was that Jake. I still have dreams in my sleep playing catch with him as a child--- 30 years passed. I would give up all the money in the world if I could ever go back. A time I can only remember, a time I will never see again.
Going to school was something that scared me. I have no idea how my folks were able to afford to send me to private school in first grade. I enjoyed being around kids my own age, but one of my teachers Mrs. Tokarz scared the shit out of me. She was my first grade teacher. When she talked, she yelled. Always. When I got answers on a test wrong, she would ask me to stand in front of the entire class and just rip me a new asshole. The rest of the class laughed, I just wanted to go home where it was safe. Not from the students, but from some of the fucking teachers.
One day Mrs. Tokarz had all these cool little cut outs of animals. Each student was excited to get one pinned to there shirt. Like most boys, I was hoping to get a Tiger or a Lion. Instead, when Mrs. Tokarz approached my desk, she pinned a picture of a pig on my shirt. To this day I have no idea why this woman went apeshit on me. I never caused any trouble.
After wearing a picture of a pig across my chest, that was the day I stopped trusting the system. I went to my Mom and never went back to private school again. A few days later I was in the Richmond inner city school system. I was scared shitless. But after awhile, I got use to it.
For some reason I was never targeted by the older kids. I loved telling jokes, the teachers were great, and it wasn't bad. Normally the other kids fought each other. Especially the older kids. Some carried knives, and one even pulled a railroad spike on another student in the bathroom. Thankfully no one ever got seriously hurt. But I learned quickly to be aware of your surroundings at such an early age.
Even going to the bathroom to wash your hands was sometimes risky. Because you never knew if you were going to find real shit in the sink. One time I walked in to wash my hands and after seeing a giant log of a shit laying there, I thought holy fuck man. Why would someone shit in the fucking sink? C'mon man!... Stuff would go on like this for years.
When summer break came one special year, like most kids, I was excited for 4 reasons. I didn't have to wake up early in the morning, I didn't have to sit in a classroom, I could hang out with my friends full time, and cable TV was coming to town!!! I remember asking one of my friends 'So you mean to tell me the TV never go's off? Even after 12am? I can stay up all night and watch movies? What the fuck is HBO?'.
The day my folks had cable TV was a very special day for me. After they went to bed, for the first time I got to watch movies on HBO and Cinemax that just blew my mind away. Obviously, they would later become known as B-movies. But what I saw was amazing.
Movies about people really having a good time. I especially loved the outcasts in these funny movies. Come hell or high water, they were going to have a good fucking time. Women, parties, riding dune buggies on the beach with topless women on each arm, convertibles with the top down, a pack of buddies living the high life without a care in the world. No yelling teachers, no staring at a chalk board... just good old fashion fuck it, lets do it. Paradise! I thought... that's what I want to be when I grow up! Who wouldn't want a stack of titties in there face on the beach? Fuck the tie, lose the bra honey.
I remember hearing names of places in these movies like Venice, Malibu, The Valley, and I thought sitting there in front of my folks TV set at 10 years old thinking, where the fuck is that? Obviously, there was no Internet back then, so I found an old RV road map my old man had laying around and looked up California after seeing the plates on the cars from these funny movies. I noticed they were all around Los Angeles. I put away the map, and knew one day I would go there when I got older.
Years later at 14, that one day would be December 26th, 1987. Day after Christmas. I bugged the shit out of my folks to go there instead of spending a week at VA Beach. I also got to bring along one of my buddies, Dan. I can still remember getting on the plane and hearing the intercom... "Destination Los Angeles". We arrived after 10pm pacific time. After stepping outside LAX to catch the shuttle, I knew right away how small Virginia was. I remember seeing a palm tree for the very first time. I remember how warm it was. I remember the smell of energy all around me. I remember seeing all the sexy ladies at the airport just flaunting that shit like no tomorrow. I felt at home.
We spent a week in Los Angeles... and the one thing that struck me about the city was to think big. Not in a corporate business type of way but to really go after what you really want to fucking do before you kick the bucket much later in life. After all, during that week in LA, I met a girl around my age who was also staying at the Beverly Hilton. My folks had there own room, Dan and I had ours. After goofing off at the pool, she invited me up to her room and I lost my virginity while staring out the window and seeing those beautiful palm trees. The same palm trees I had touched for the very first time when I arrived just a few days earlier.
With some spending money between us, Dan and I would sneak out of the hotel and hail a cab in front of the hotel while my folks slept and go straight to Hollywood Boulevard. Obviously, not the smartest thing for a 14 year old to do. But we didn't give a shit. Walking down the Boulevard it was eye opening to see limos stop, pick up a bunch of hookers, and roll off. I was like 'Dan, did you fucking see that?' Then another and another. For me it was like being on fucking mars man. We never saw most of that shit back home. I'm just glad we managed to keep a few extra bucks for a cab ride back to the hotel which wasn't very far.
I was never the same when I returned home.
After Christmas break ended and school picked back up... I knew where I would be living in the next 4 years. I wanted to taste it all. One of my teachers asked each student what they did during Christmas break. When it came my turn, I couldn't stop smiling. I was just happy. I came back with a tan, lost my virginity in Beverly Hills, and saw the bright lights most of the other students at that point never experienced back in central Virginia.
Four years later came...
My folks were not happy about me turning down a local college or any college for that matter. But after working part time jobs up to my 18th birthday, they supported my decision to go out. Of course, I never thought about getting into porn, like many young people I wanted to live in LA and become an actor. I wanted to be in B flicks. The same movies I saw when we first got cable years ago. My folks thought I was crazy, but figured it would do me some good to find out how the real world worked. Especially from 3,000 miles away in a major city.
I love my old man. Before I left the front door to hop in my car for the big drive he said 'In 3 months send me a postcard about all those big tits you keep talking about'. He knew I was in for a struggle. I was clueless.
I arrived in Los Angeles on July 9th, 1991. The drive across the country was wonderful. On a map it looks simple but I thought 'This is a big fucking country'. I loved every minute of it.
When I rolled into LA... I had just under 2k. But this time I was scared shitless. I thought 'What the fuck have I just done?' I checked into a little Motel 6 in Hollywood, and thought about turning back. This was no vacation. It was real life talking to me. I was such a pussy, but back home I had a support system. In LA it was just me. I didn't know a fucking soul.
I didn't even call ahead to get an apartment. I just fucking showed up. After looking out of my Motel 6 window, I decided to fucking slug it out. I didn't want to return to Virginia right away with my tail between my legs.
Two days later after getting my studio apartment. I was happy. The deposit practically wiped me out, but thankfully my old man faxed over his signature to the landlord because I had 0 credit. I called him from the payphone and thanked him. He was surprised I even lasted a few days on my own out in LA.
Sitting in the apartment alone humbled me. Back home, my folks were middle class, but I had a bed, pillows, a blanket, a TV, a microwave oven, my own phone, my own eating utensils, friends, and above all family. I kept saying to myself 'Stop your bitching, you made the choice'.
My first meal in my place was a 99 cent hamburger from Mc Donald's and fries. After the deposit for the place, I only had $119 dollars. Paying for gas, food, and looking for a job was my only concern.
That night I fell asleep on the floor. Then woke up in the early morning hours and thought 'Fucking shit man, I'm freezing my fucking ass off!'. I didn't realize Southern California got so cold at night. I looked for a thermostat, there was no thermostat. Talk about living on the fucking cheap. I went straight to the shower not to bathe, but to get warm. Just enough time to heat up. After getting out of the shower, I thought "Fucking hell, now I'm all wet. I'm buying a blanket tomorrow!'. I never went back to sleep that night.
The following morning as the sun rose I was never more excited to see that bright beautiful fucker in the sky. I was like a lizard sitting on the sidewalk soaking up as much heat as I could.
Walking through Sears in Santa Monica I was looking at blankets. I never knew how much money a blanket cost. I had $100 but I had to eat. Even at Sears, some of those blankets were fucking expensive. I ended up buying a cheap mattress cover for very little money, well it was cheaper than those damn blankets.
That night sleeping on the floor wrapped in a mattress cover I thought 'This was the best damn thing I ever purchased'. Like all mattress covers it had creases on all corners. It never came loose and kept me warm in the night. I was happy. I could sleep at night without freezing my fucking nuts off!
To save on gas, I walked to apply for jobs. In one day I must have filled out 30 applications. The only problem was I had no phone for them to call me back if they were interested. Remember, there were no cell phones. Each day I would walk back to each place to see if the manager was in or if I had the job. I noticed many rich people would exercise by jogging in place or doing some mumbo jumo shit around town. Looking at a stop watch. Looking way too serious. I walked to survive.
I needed a fucking job fast. I no longer budgeted my day by the dollar, it was down to saving fucking pennies man.
Finally I caught a break. I was hired by Ross's. A cheap clothing store in Westwood. I was so excited to be making $5.25 per hour. Sounds nuts! But for me it was all the money in the world to pay rent, eat, and start saving up for acting classes. Now I had money coming in. I could now eat 3 times a day instead of 2.
Working at Ross's wasn't that bad. After a few months I had enough money to start an acting class. I was thrilled! I was making progress.
The day I walked into the acting class I met James Ingersol. He currently appears on Dexter with Showtime. I think he plays one of the cops. Plus did spots on 30Rock and a bunch of other small roles in movies and TV.
James was an awesome teacher. The class was small with about 18 students. All the students had at least some acting experience. I had none. James took me under his wing almost immediately. I was very grateful.
I got to watch other students perform there lines in front of the class. Listen to James critique. It was a learning experience. Then it was my turn to do a scene in front of a bunch of strangers. I knew my lines but I was scared shitless! James paired me with this beautiful blonde named Nicole Hitchens from Connecticut.
The scene was for her to try and seduce me. My character "Clint" was suppose to hold back from her advances. Sitting on a small couch half way through the scene, my mind went fucking blank. It was embarrassing. The worst part was letting Nicole down. She worked hard and I fucked it up.
James and the rest of the class knew I was a complete newbie. To my surprise they supported me even though I fucked up the scene. I expected to be laughed at. I wasn't. Each person in the class forfeited to do there scenes so I could keep working on mine. It was a great moment to get the scene right and make it up to Nicole.
One simple trick I learned when doing a scene was just too simple. But it worked. When working with another actor on stage, always repeat his lines in your mind after they are said to you during the exchange of dialogue. This creates an instant pause, that pause on your end is your mind repeating what the other actor just said. Plus, without really any effort it will invoke a natural response of emotion on your end. By facial expression and saying your lines.
Later on, this would come in handy with my adult film work and talking to big wigs from major adult video companies. Its hard to explain how simplicity can move mountains. You don't need a 300 page book. Its just one tip that has served me well and kept me from shitting my pants when the lights are on you.
Most people say actors are selfish. Not in that class.
Six months passed living in Los Angeles on my own. I was proud to have made it that long with what little I had. I succeeded in getting an apartment, finding a job to pay bills, taking acting classes, getting a phone, and surviving on my own.
I could feel myself changing from within. I was no longer afraid to set my mind to something and just fucking do it. My apartment was still empty. But I felt free. I couldn't believe it. I realized I hadn't watched TV in 6 months. When I wasn't working or taking my acting class, I read newspapers and walked at night soaking up the city.
I was grateful to have my own little studio apartment but staring at white walls too much made walking the streets at night something to look forward too. Maybe not the smartest thing to do. Especially at 18 and alone in the middle of the night. Especially with all the muggings and robberies you read about in the paper near where I lived. I just didn't give a fuck and had no fear.
Yet...
Was prepared when I started carrying a small wooden baseball bat I would tuck behind the back of my trousers when I took my walks at night when I could just think without all the distractions while most of the city slept. I found it peaceful and never had any problems.
A turning point came when I left Ross's for another job that paid a little better. Not much, but an extra $2 bucks per hour made a big difference at that time. I found a job at a local auto parts store in Culver City. The only thing... I fucking knew nothing about auto parts. My boss Eddie (the owner) told me no problem. He said ' All you have to do is make deliveries and carry a clipboard'.
At first, making deliveries to "mom and pop" repair shops wasn't that bad. The only problem was trying to find the fucking places. There was no GPS back then, no Internet, no MapQuest. Just a fucking address and a small pile of parts. I asked Eddie for directions and he would say 'Make a left on Sepulveda, then blah blah blah'. When I got in the car to make deliveries I forgot fucking everything. I just asked for directions along the way. One time I had to deliver a boat part in Marina Del Rey.
When I got to the marina, my only instruction was to make a delivery to a boat with red stripes. I thought 'Where's the fucking dock number on my delivery sheet? How the fuck am I suppose to find Mr. Pate!' I finally found Mr. Pate on his nice boat with the red fucking stripes. But something on Mr. Pates boat caught my eye. A couple hot 20 something blondes laying topless sipping drinks.
Mr. Pate looked to be in his early 60's. I said to Mr. Pate ' Man, you got the fucking life'. Mr. Pate quickly responded with a friendly laugh 'Son, call me Dirty Jack'. And so I did. He was a cool fucking guy from the get-go. No ego, none of that shit.
He invited me on his boat and I got to hang out. I said 'Dirty Jack, I can't stay too long or my boss Eddie will have my ass'. Dirty Jack had one of those old 1980's cell phones that looked like a brick, he called my boss, shared a few laughs, then said 'Eddie is an old friend of mine. He said you can take the rest of the day off with pay and hang out with us'. A part of me was curious. Why the fuck would an old man with 2 hot women laying topless on his boat ever invite me, a stranger to hang out with? All I did was say hello to the guy and told him he was living the fucking life? Now I was invited and had the day off with pay because of Dirty Jack. I thought 'This is the coolest fucking guy I've ever met'.
Sitting on Dirty Jacks (DJ) boat that afternoon was a breathe of fresh air. The two topless women continued to sip there drinks and started to make small conversation with me. Being a guest of Dirty Jack I was afraid to overstep my bounds by saying anything fucking stupid. Dirty Jack could sense it. He said 'young man grab a beer out of the cooler and just fucking relax'. So I did. Dirty Jack said 'Eddie tells me your one of the best delivering drivers at the parts store'. Drinking my beer I said 'I guess so, I'm just doing my job'. My next thought was does this fucking guy run drugs or something? Fuck! I hope not.
'I can see it written on your face, do you know what I do for a living?' DJ continued.
'No sir, I do not.'
'I make adult films with women, like the 2 you see here on my boat'.
I thought shit, thats fucking solid man. These women looked like fucking PlayBoy models. I never asked but who the fuck knows, it would not have surprised me. These women were top shelf trophy fucks. I was surprised they didn't have a stick up there ass based on there looks. Both we very friendly.
I spent a few hours on the boat drinking beers with DJ. It was a total fucking blast hanging out with this guy.
'Do you want another part time job' Dj asked me.
'Doing what?'
'Delivering new adult video screeners to my distributors. Keeping tabs. I'm a very busy man. I need a go-getter like you who doesn't fuck around. You've already proved it to my friend Eddie. '
'Thank you Dirty Jack but what the fuck is a distributor?' I said.
'Look, be at my studio on Venice and Rose tomorrow at 10am. Look for the red door, heres my address.'
'Dirty Jack, I can't do that to Eddie. He'll fire my ass for not delivering parts.'
'Eddie and I are old friends. He already knows I was going to offer you the job. You've never been late, your driven, and Eddie trusts you not to steal. You can work 2 part time jobs at the same time. Deliver auto parts and my stuff. Do you want the job? '
I thought fucking hell man, DJ does have a point. I can make twice the money by doing deliveries. Fuck, most of the time while delivering auto parts there was a porn shop or building right down the street. Make 2 deliveries in a few minutes, make twice the money. Made fucking sense to me. Plus, if I got in good with DJ I might be able to bang some hot chicks. The chicks on his boat were so hot they could fucking give a dead man instant wood!
'Thank you Dirty Jack, I will see you tomorrow. Thank you for giving me the job' I said.
The following morning I showed up at Dirty Jack's studio in Venice on time. From the outside it looked like a dump. I knocked on the door and this woman with some of the biggest "juggs" answered the door. 'My name is Tina, you must be Ray' she said. I was just fucking stunned by some of the biggest tits I had ever seen. I couldn't speak, only stare. Who wouldn't do the same?
'Yes, umm, wow, yeah, I'm Ray, Dirty Jack asked me to be here' I said.
'Come on in'.
Walking into the studio was a sight to see. The stack of adult VHS cassettes was just fucking endless. Remember, this was a long time ago.
Each room had a bed with a tripod and camera ready. Each room had a different style and feel. It was hard to believe each room was under the same roof. One room had mirrors on the ceiling, the other had some funky green carpeting.
Next thing I hear is Dirty Jack's voice ' So, whatta ya think?'.
'DJ I really like what you've done to the place'.
'Did you meet Tina?'
'Yeah, she let me in.'
'Would you like her to blow you?'
'Huh?'
'I said would you like to take Tina back into one of the rooms and let her blow you?'
'Yeah, lets give it a shot' I said like an idiot.
'Tina, take Ray over to the next room' said DJ
Next thing I know I'm in a room with this amazing woman I had just met at the door. 'Drop them pants slugger' said Tina. I dropped them. And this woman literally blew and fucked the shit out of me. At one point she was banging those large tan tits against my face I thought 'Fucking hell man, this woman is trying to kill me, keep going!'
After delivering both auto parts and adult movies that day I was now excited to learn how business worked. After all DJ and Eddie both ran there own business. Both had a lot of money. Both enjoyed the good life. Both controlled there own fate and answered to no one besides themselves.
I continued taking my acting classes but I soon discovered the life of an actor was hard. Many actors can stick it out for years without getting a first single paying job for a role. Big or small. Most will never get a break, period. The lucky few that do, I tip my hat to them.
One morning while taking a shower before work the reality of becoming an actor hit me like a ton of bricks. It was just total silence in my mind with water hitting me in the face. I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad... I just realized the odds of becoming a successful actor in Hollywood was like winning the lottery. My 19th birthday was right around the corner and I didn't want to sleep on the floor no more. I came to LA for acting, I never fucking knew I was going to learn business. Not in a class room, but on the front lines. It wasn't about grades, it was learning how a profit was made.
One of the advantages to being a delivery driver for both DJ and Eddie was seeing business conducted by the real owners. Both were very successful. I fucking admired them because they had started there own business from the ground up. Both were multi millionaires but didn't have a college degree between them. They were both very likable guys, those two.
When I made deliveries for DJ, I would get to know people from adult distribution companies, adult retail stores, female performers, and so much more. Any other job I ever had in the past was limited. I was just a fucking delivery boy, but I was amazed how friendly the adult industry as a whole treated me. I know with any business there are going to be assholes. I know there are bad stories that get circulated about the adult entertainment industry but from my experience it was positive. I simply did my job. Nothing more, nothing less.
I soaked up all the knowledge I could from the get-go. If I had a question to ask an adult distributor, I just fucking asked. How does this work? What niche is selling the best? I must have drove some of those people fucking crazy but to my surprise they answered my questions. When I left my mind was completely fucking blown away. I didn't just hear the answers, at a small level I was experiencing how those answers were making money.
I spent the next year delivering both auto parts and adult products.
After seeing Eddie before work one morning I asked ' What the hell happened man? Why the fuck are you crying man!?
'My wife Linda is leaving me. We are getting a divorce. The bitch is taking half of everything '.
'Fucking hell man. What are you going to do?'
'I'm selling the business and moving back home to retire in San Diego'.
I was fucking stunned. Not about losing my part time job for Eddie... just seeing a man personally devastated. It was heart breaking to see someone who had taken me in and now was in shambles. It was a fucking bad day man. Maybe thats why I never got married? Who knows?
Dirty Jack already knew about Eddie's situation. He offered to send over 3 women to cheer him up. Eddie was devastated he politely declined.
It wasn't long when I started working for Dirty Jack full time. Over the past year many of his employees would come and go... I remained. DJ paid well and my apartment was now furnished. I'll never forget buying my own bed. It wasn't fancy but it was to me. Like most beds it was just a few feet above the floor.
My first night sleeping in a bed after 1 year give or take I thought 'I'm not use to sleeping this high up in the air'. It was only 2 or 3 feet. The mattress was obviously softer than the floor. It took some getting use to.
Laying in bed I thought 'Welcome to the adult industry'. For the better, life would never be the same.
Ray
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