Online Sexy Lingerie Shop: Making Shopping Highly Convenient

Sexy lingerie is a sure shot way to turn on your partner and lead him to having a great time. And going to the physical store and asking for erotic and exotic lingerie may make you feel embarrassed. So, a sexy lingerie shop on the online platform is truly an epitome of convenience that any woman could ask for. Lilly Lingerie Boutique is one such sexy lingerie shop that offers a wide range of hot lingerie that would turn on the couple without fail and lead them towards having a wonderful intimate and private time.

You may choose to shop for naughty lingerie set on the occasion of your anniversary or to mark a special day or perhaps make every day a special day with the help of erotic and exotic lingerie. The sexy lingerie shop gives you an opportunity to shop for bride sexy honeymoon lingerie sets, sexy costumes, sexy sets and boy shorts, sweetly and Sassy lingerie, rated X lingerie and much more. The spicy erotic lingerie can be sent to you through discrete sh ipping. The Erotic and exotic lingerie shop houses top of the lingerie line and offers a breathtakingly beautiful selection for women. There are everyday low prices that would give you an opportunity to clinch the lingerie sets at attractive prices.

Offering the most provocative, passionate and fascinating line of lingerie, the store keeps stocking new and fresh products month after month making it all the more attractive for ardent women shoppers to spend more time on the online store. Shopping at the store is absolutely easy and fun as you could pick your size basing on the size chart that is provided on the site. There are a few lingerie tips too which will help you make the right choice while shopping for attractive corsets or sensual lingerie.

Sexy lingerie definitely adds up to the sensuality and uniqueness to the way you get ready for spending cozy time together. It will definitely pep up the spirits of your partner and also will give you an opportunity to experience higher intimacy levels. Sheer gowns, spicy lingerie, sexy bustierthe online store houses them all and that too under different popular brands too.

If you are a timid lady or a bold lady, the online store stocks stuff that suits each one's palate. Go ahead and pamper yourself to have a memorable experience and you will sure get back for more of the similar kinds for they will make you feel look absolutely stunning and fall in love with yourself.

0

Sizing Suggestions For Purchasing Lingerie Online

If a Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami article doesn't fit nicely, then you may be short waisted or long waisted, which isn't a big thing, but you may need to know precisely what your size is when purchasing underwear from an on-line site. One size fits most doesn't mean one size fits all. Years ago makers listed items as one size fits everybody, because items that said one size fits all or fits most, do not essentially fit all and simply because they fit most doesn't mean they are going to fit you. The makers modified the sizing to one size fits most, but many purchasers persist in thinking it suggests one size fits everybody thru no fault of theirs. One size fits most has often been the domain of pantyhose. The cost of making pantyhose to fit additional tiny, tiny, medium, large, as well as plus sizes will surely drive up the cost of the necessary pantyhose product. Also, thanks to the variants in sizes, colors, and styles, the cheap pantyhose, as w ell as stockings would become much more cost prohibitive.

The same analogy is applicable to many Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami items that include stockings as well as many sexy underwear items that are similar to stockings like form fitting body stockings, chemises, pants, and Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami bras. Even a passing thought would tell you that it's not possible for any garment to fit every size without regard for height, weight, and other measurements. So, watch out for the one size fits most designation. Hosiery is one size fits most, for the most part. If you have slim legs, then the pantyhose may bunch at the ankles, or knees, and if you are tall, then they may not make it past your lower thighs.

When purchasing from an on-line site, only trust those possessing a phonephone number or better yet, toll free numbers to reply to your questions. Naturally, there are plus size one fits most d esignations, but no slender one size fits most, so it's important that you call to clarify what you are purchasing. Many of those on-line Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami sites will offer toll free client service support 7 days every week during working hours, and will like to answer your questions as it helps to insure that you are purchasing the size that's right for you.
Running small and being made to fit comfortably aren't the same as some items do run tiny like leather, vinyl, and costumes, while others are supposed to fit nicely, like pants, skirts, corsets, and so on. Attractive Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami is usually short, snug and body flattering, which is partially why it is sexy! These on-line underwear sites will sell lots of horny costumes, and after seeing thousands of girls like to shop together and can not resist showing their fiances and boyfriends the way the costume looks on, but thru time they have learned that these costumes are short and tight. This is why it is suggested that girls purchase ruffle pants or boy shorts to go under those'oh so short' costumes.

So are they running tiny or intended to fit snug and sexy? Regardless of who wins that discussion, suffice it to assert that, bear in mind how you want the garments to fit. Some ladies want a show off the goods fit, while o thers want it to fit right. These might not be the same as panties should fit snug, not tight. Micro mini skirts should exhibit your pants when you bend over, if you dare bend over. Again, if you're not sure, call the website to be certain, because they will be pleased to share their experience.
.
Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling is a standard form of modeling in which models will only wear underclothes and bra or other sexy and lacy garments. That is why this type of modeling is included under'glamour modeling.' Lingerie modeling requires far better body tone and proportions than other modeling fields. This kind of modeling exposes the models' beauty to maximum limit and also increases their charms. Models engaged in lingerie modeling come in many shapes, heights, sizes and colors. They may be petite, plus-sized, tall or thin models.

Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling is widely present in f ashion shows, catalogues, photographer's books, websites and calendars. Today, underwear modeling is practiced more widely as a grown-up entertainment event, instead of an informative event. Many sports agencies in the US prepare such modeling events in cheap drinks hours. These Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling shows offer an opportunity for couples to look at together, which is a good opportunity to know the preferences and likes of others.

there is always a great requirement for models performing Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling. Today, more teenagers and children are engaged in this industry. Though Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling industry wants models of nearly all nationalities, black, Latin and Asian models have larger demands. Irrespective of nationality or age, the model must maintain a good body tone, with an active way of life involving exercise and balanced diet.

If you want to be a Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami model, you may either work independently or with an organization/modeling agency. If you choose to work as a freelance model, you need to trace assignments and non-exclusive contracts with your own abilities. You may make a good portfolio of photos that shows your personality and earlier assignments. If you sign a contract with a modeling agency, it is their responsibility to reveal you to the planet. US cities like Manhattan, LA, Chicago and Miami offer good lingerie modeling future to young models.

The payment for Sexy lingerie, lingerie, adult costumes, costumes, cami modeling can alter with model agent, show type and model rating. It is often the double of normal modeling rates. The payment is mostly above $100 an hour, which can go up to thousands when the show is for major print ad and/or campaign.

Thank you to Eagle Rose Lingerie

0

Leg Avenue Collection at Annobils

The Leg Avenue brand has humble roots as a family-owned hosiery business with big dreams. The Tsai family began designing unique stockings and selling them at swap meets and kiosks located at L.A.'s downtown fashion district in 1984. From hosiery to lingerie, the business evolved quickly with innovative ideas and lots of hard work. In 1999, the family formed Leg Avenue, Inc. to bring its new product concepts to life.

It wasn't long before Leg Avenue tackled and conquered the Halloween industry. With designs that mix fashion with fantasy, Leg Avenue Costumes are sexy, fun, and innovative. 650 different styles and growing, Leg Avenue costumes are sold at hundreds of specialty stores and large chain stores throughout the country. No one does sexy costumes better than Leg Avenue.
Today, from humble beginnings to becoming one of the world's largest intimate apparel wholesalers, Leg Avenue has grown into a multi-million dollar apparel design, manufacturing, and retail distribution business. Carrying more than 300 different and never-before-seen styles of fine hosiery products, Leg Avenue also design, manufacture, and sell provocative lingerie, complementary accessories, and pet costumes!

Leg Avenue continues to be a trendsetter with a fun and flirty collection of heels and boots that coordinate perfectly with Leg Avenue costumes! or the every day wear!

Leg Avenue is committed to bringing Annobils.com customers innovative products, competitive pricing, and complete satisfaction.

Leg Avenue...... no one does sexy better! Visit http://www.annobils.com for great pricing on the lastest in Leg Avenue

Annobils.com is a UK based online clothing store. Join the mailing list for updates on brands like Leg Avenue, Ed Hardy, Converse and more..Click Here

0

Secret Affairs: Sex After Infidelity

Secret affairs can ruin a marriage, but more often than not, they are not a relationship killer. In fact, 82% of marriages affected by an affair actually have happier couples after the affair. The reason is that the affair reveals that something is wrong in the relationship, and most couples want to correct the problems.

While recovering from a secret affair isn't easy, you can live a happy life with your spouse after the trauma. Among the many things that people need to work on after finding out about a secret affair is how to have sex after infidelity.

This question comes up often from a lot of people. They are trying to work things out, but they just don't feel right having sex after infidelity. There is a lot of work that needs to go into solving this huge problem, but with the right tools, you can have sex after revealing an affair.

Not being able to resolve this issue can be a relationship killer. Both spouses have to understand the s everity and sensitivity of the issue, and know that it may be a long time before you are able to be intimate with your partner again.

Often times the victim in the affair feels as though the reason for the affair is that their spouse was no longer sexually attractive to them any longer. This isn't always the case. In fact, M. Gary Neuman's study shows that most men who cheat, in fact cheat with someone they believe to be less attractive than their wife.

Another reason that make this difficult is when the victimized spouse feels that it is lack of performance that caused the affair. It is rare when an affair is caused by lack of performance, but in certain circumstnaces it can be the case.
In the quest for sexual excitement, many people turn to sex books for help. While some books can be good and truly add some excitement, they all focus on the wrong thing. They tell you to change the way you have sex. The true pleasure of sex comes when we are in love with a person, and they are in love with us. With that, you will find total sexual satisfaction. You allow your emotions to take over, and you don't focus on the physical aspects of sex.

If you have a spouse who loves you, and you combine that love with sex, you will enjoy what many believe to be the ultimate intimate experience; sexual love. This can only be experienced in relationships where the lovers are good friends, know each other's thoughts, and want to be around each other. Work on being good friends, building trust, and constantly falling in love with your partner and you will experience sexual joy like no other.

One of the hardest things about having sex after an affair is t hat the victimized spouse is constantly thinking about the cheating spouse and the paramour (illicit lover). They want to know that your attention is on them, not the paramour. You have to be able to communicate to your partner the way you feel, and be able to accept those feelings. There is going to be a strong presence, that while not there in a physical nature, does exist and carries over to the both of you. That presence is the paramour.

An affair will bring about many insecurities, one of them being sexual insecurity. When one or both spouses are sexually insecure, it removes spontaneity from the act, and thus becomes a planned and monotonous, and will lead to boredom and lack of production. When you are finally able to establish intimacy with your partner, there is immense pressure to make up for those insecurities. That is when sex becomes what it never should be, a performance.

When these problems occur, you have to let your partner know that yo u are constantly comparing yourself to the paramour, and that it is getting in the way of the openness and trust between the two of you. By keeping this communication open, you are able to replace negative feelings with positive one's, making for a more enjoyable, trusting, and love-able sexual relationship.

It's also critical not to impose sexual expectations on your partner. It is important to communicate, but to "expect" an orgasm, for instance, is unfair. Dr. Ronnie Edell calls an orgasm "the equivalent of an applause". It makes the experience feel like a performance, and is sure to lessen sexual pleasure.

An orgasm should never be about, "How did I do?", or "Now I'm satisfied". Sex should never be about the orgasm. The orgasm is simply a byproduct of sex. The essence of sex is 'mutual pleasure'. That is the goal you should be trying to achieve, and focusing on an orgasm, or anything else for that matter, will deprive both of you of the mutual pleas ure you should be experiencing.

The essence of sex after infidelity is to re-create the trust you once had, and learn to be more open about your feelings. It is wrong to impose sexual expectations on yourself or your partner. Focus on sex being a free, trusting, emotional experience and you will be having passionate sex with your partner again.

0

How Lack of the "Straight Safety Net" Creates Stress for Queer Couples

In this article I will explore two strands of the "straight safety net"heteronormative assumptions and heterosexual privilegeand how these create often unacknowledged stress for queer couples. Following are three different scenarios from my sessions with queer couples that exemplify some of these common stressors.

1) Yvonne & Angela: How homophobia ruined our romantic vacation

After I asked a lesbian couple why they hadn't taken a vacation together in five years, this is what they told me:

Yvonne:

I took her on what was advertised as a "gay-friendly destination" but as it turned out, we were the only queer couple in sight! Consequently she was really paranoid in public and wouldn't hold my hand on the beach or became really uncomfortable if I suggested a restaurant that looked slightly romantic. She's a butch woman, so people were staring at her anyway because they couldn't quite place her on the gender spectrum. It pretty much killed the romance factor out in public, and unfortunately it translated into the bedroom as well. She just couldn't make that transition when we were alone. It was as if she didn't take a breath until we got home. Needless to say, we haven't been on an overseas vacation since!

Angela:

I think on some level I just didn't feel safe. I didn't speak the language or know the people. They stared at me all the time. I think they couldn't figure out if I was a guy or a girl. It might sound ridiculous, but I was expecting to be attacked at any moment. Consequently, my guard was up at all times.

This couple had to deal with a whole set of stressors that a heterosexual couple would probably never need to consider when planning their holiday (like having to find a "heterosexually-friendly destination"). So much of the travel industry is geared towards the romantic getaway, but those getaways are mostly aimed at heterosexual couples. This omission of queer couples is part of what is termed "heteronormative assumptions."

Heteronormative assumptions refer to automatic unconscious beliefs and expectations that reinforce heterosexuality and heterosexual relationship as the ideal norm. Thus, heteronormative assumptions create a society where only heterosexual relationships are visible (McGeorge and Carlson, 2011).*

Although the travel industry has become savvy to a whole previously untapped market and there are now ads for gay-friendly destinations on every queer travel site, the truth is that this can also be a marketing ploy. As Yvonne and her girlfriend found when they got to their "gay-friendly" destination, the locals hadn't been informed!

2) Gloria & Maria: A pregnant lesbian couple's first birthing class together

Gloria:

I was so uncomfortable that we were the only queer couple in the room! On top of that the trainer had us do an experiential where she asked the fathers to go on one side and the mothers on the other. She at least corrected herself when she saw me standing there awkward and alone. I felt so humiliated!

The rest of this session was spent processing Maria's feelings about the class and her ambivalence toward attending more classes. Although Gloria was sympathetic to Maria's dilemma, she was also clear that she wanted Maria's support at the birth and needed to know that Maria had the knowledge to provide it. In the end, despite the stress the first class had caused, they did go back for another class and found to their delight that there was a new trainer who was much more GLBTQ savvy and aware. What a relief!

Again, these are not stressors a heterosexual couple would ever have to deal with. Being part of mainstream culture, it is easy for heterosexuals to take for granted the safety net that is automatically available. This is part of what is coined as "heterosexual privilege." Furthermore the lack of affirmative mirroring that queer couples receive has both subtle and gross implications. "One of the less visible, but potentially most influential privileges that heterosexual individuals receive is an increased self worth that comes with being part of the dominant socially sanctioned group" (Hoffman, 2004; Worthington, Savoy, Dillon & Vernaglia 2002). When who you are and how you love is not reflected in your world, whether on TV, in films, books or other forms of mainstream media, the effect on self-esteem is persistent and corrosive, once again creating more stressors for queer couples

3) Disturbing comments from well-meaning family members

Even family members who are normally respectful toward a gay couple can fall prey to heteronormative assumptions. The following occurred during a session with a gay couple, one of whom was unemployed and looking for work. He had been offered a position overseas but had decided to turn it down because it meant being too far away from his partner.

Mike:

Can you believe my Dad encouraged me to take that job in Singapore with no regard for how it would affect my partner who has a full practice here? It was as if he saw me as a single man, living with "a good friend," but certainly no one to consider if I was being offered employment overseas. He would never say that to my heterosexual brother and his wife!

Bill:

Your dad is always friendly to me when he sees me but hearing that makes me feel invisible.

Mike's father was unintentionally hurtful by omission. The undermining quality that this lack of mirroring creates has a corrosive effect on self-esteem. Mike is left with the message that his relationship is less visible, less valid, and less valuable than his heterosexual brother's.

In summary

When I hold space for a queer couple in session, I am also considering factors outside the couple dyad, such as the effects of heteronormative assumptions and privilege that can exacerbate existing stressors in the couple. For instance, Gloria and her wife have all the stressors of being pregnant but not the knowledge that they are seen and held in a supportive community. Yvonne and her girlfriend finally find the time and money to take a vacation together only to discover they have to keep their guard up and don't feel safe enough to express their affection and love for one another. Then, there is Mike having to deal with the crushing effects of unemployment on his self-esteem, only to have his father exacerbate this problem by unintentionally disregarding his long-standing partnership.

Queer couples simply don't have the safety net that heterosexual couples can take for granted. The society at large does not provide the validation and affirmation that a queer couple could rely on for support during difficult times. The need for this validation and affirmation first has to be acknowledged by the individual or couple and then self-generated. While many queer couples have been very resourceful in generating their own safety nets by building their own communities and support systems, the freefall, in terms of the stigma of being an outsider and the resulting isolation, is ever present for those who do not.

*McGeorge, C. and Carlson, T. S. (2011) Deconstructing Heterosexism: Becoming an LGB Affirmative Heterosexual Couple and Family Therapist. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 37(1), 14-26.

0

Cornelius Low House

Raritan Landing

Raritan Landing emerged as a vital port community during the 1720s. It was situated at the furthest inland point on the Raritan River that could be navigated by merchant ships of the day. In its heyday, the Landing was the center for local trade and, along with New Brunswick, served as a hub for imports and exports to and from the Raritan Valley. Agricultural goods and lumber brought to Raritan Landing from throughout central New Jersey were stored in warehouses here, awaiting shipment to either New York or sometimes the Caribbean. Imported goods were off-loaded and taken by traders to stores and merchants throughout the area. The majority of the community existed between present-day River Road and the Raritan River, near the intersection of Landing Lane and River Road. By the 1740s, there were approximately 70 structures and more than 100 inhabitants.

By the early days of the American Revolution, the co mmunity was occupied by British troops. The bluffs provided safe haven for the troops, and an unobstructed lookout toward New Brunswick, enabling clear views of approaching Patriot forces. Cornelius Low died in early 1777, but the British spared his house because his loyalty to the King of England remained steadfast until his death.

Cornelius Low

The history of the Low family in America dates to 1659 when Peter Cornellessen Low left Holland for the American colonies and settled near Kingston, New York. Peter oldest son, Cornelius Low, moved to New York and established himself as a merchant. He married Margareta Van Borsum in 1695 and they would have fifteen children. Their third son, and museum namesake, Cornelius, was born in 1700.

During the 1720s, Cornelius Low became a successful merchant in Newark, New Jersey. In 1729, he married Johanna Gouveneur and they made plans to move to the emergin g port community of Raritan Landing near New Brunswick, where Low, a merchant with shipping capabilities, became one of the community most prosperous businessmen. Lows first home was located along the wharf near Landing Lane at the Raritan edge. Following a great flood in 1738 that damaged his home, Low decided to obtain property on the bluff, on the opposite side of the Great Road (River Road) overlooking the Landing.

Low ew house on the mountain, as he would refer to it in an entry in his family Bible, allowed him many advantages. Firstly, from this vantage point, he could keep a watchful eye on the activities at the wharves, and especially at his warehouse located between the river and the Great Road. Secondly, and probably more importantly, he no longer needed to worry about the occasional floods that continue to plague the region to this day.

Timeline

1738 Cornelius Low purchases 2acres (8 ,100m2) of land from William Williamson, on the bluff overlooking Landing Lane

1741 Low moves into his "new house on the mountain" and remains there until his death in 1777

1793 John Pool purchases the property from Cornelius Low son, Nicholas Low

1871 George W. Metlar acquires the house from John Adams Pool widow for $14,000

1916 Anna Voorhees obtains the house through sale from the Metlar family

1965 Stephen Van Rennsalear Strong purchases the property from Theodore Voorhees for $1

1979 Middlesex County, New Jersey takes title to the house, buying it from Stephen widow, Marianne Strong, for $160,000

Middlesex County acquisition

The house and grounds are owned by Middlesex County, New Jersey, which bought the property in 1979. Under the guidance and administrat ion of the Middlesex County Cultural and Heritage Commission the site has been established as the County Museum. Part of the mission of the Cultural and Heritage Commission is to be responsible for "the development of county-wide programs, and the promotion of public interest in local and county history, in the arts, and in the cultural values, goals and traditions of the community, state and nation and within the limits of funds appropriated, or otherwise made available to it, undertake the restoration, operation, maintenance and preservation of real property acquired by the County, pursuant to RS 40:32-6 or otherwise."

The County acquired the Low House to use as a local heritage museum discussing the history of New Jersey and its context within that of national events. Even in 1979, it was acknowledged that the Low House was perhaps the finest example of Georgian architecture in the state, and that it was one of two remaining structures from Rari tan Landing. In order to fulfill their mission, the Commission realized that the preservation of the building should be its first priority.

Restoration and preservation

Considering its age, the house was in fair condition when obtained by the County. Several changes did, however, take place shortly following its purchase. A garage and pool were removed from the back yard, a new parking area was created next to the building, and the ivy (causing people to refer to the house as vy Hall) was removed. The entire roof, including the badly deteriorated support structure was replaced in 1982-1983, and cedar shingles replaced the slate tiles that were put on decades earlier. In 1987-1988, badly worn windows on the Landing / river side of the house were replaced with ones crafted as restoration replicas. It wasn until the 1990s, though, that plans came to fruition to undertake a massive restoration that would address major issues plaguing the Low House both hidden and on the surface.

1995 restoration

In 1995, the Cultural and Heritage Commission and the Board of Chosen Freeholders accepted a grant from the New Jersey State Historic Trust for the restoration of the Low House. Under the guidance of Ford Farwell Mills and Gatch architects of Princeton, the restoration took place between 1995 and 1996. This restoration returned the Low House to the glory that Low himself intended, and reinvigorated the site with a mission to educate and serve this public purpose well into the future.

Archaeology

Once preliminary plans and specification were accepted, restoration began on the exterior. Prior to this work being started, however, an archaeological study of the grounds was undertaken, led by Hunter Research of Trenton. The archaeological observation and study was necessary in order to obtain as much information from the earth as possible regarding the house h istory, and to make sure that no previously unknown structures were disturbed or destroyed. These digs yielded a wide variety of objects including clay pipe fragments, Delft tiles, glass pieces and a British military button. The artifacts would help give more clues to what was going on in and around this house over the years, and would also confirm previous theories and thoughts regarding its history.

In conjunction with landscape demolition, the Commission created an interpretive path, with innovative installations that tell the history of the house, along with new landscape plantings. Additional site work consisted of the installation of completely new sewer, water, and gas supply systems.

Interior restoration

From 1995 through most of 1996, Arvid Myhre Building Construction Company of Frenchtown, New Jersey would complete the physical rehabilitation of the house.

E vidence of their mastery can be seen in the woodwork that was stripped of 26 layers of paint and repainted in historically accurate colors. Further, Myhre Construction re-pointed (replaced the mortar between the stones) the front facade, and created the Interpretive Path leading from our parking area to the Museum.

Behind the scenes work included complete upgrades of heating and cooling systems, new electrical wiring encased in metal conduit and new plumbing and water supply systems. Additionally, an exhibit system was fabricated to protect the original plaster walls, while still allowing the museum to install changing exhibitions.

One of the major steps taken to ensure the survival of the building in the unfortunate circumstance of fire was the installation of a state-of-the-art, dry-feed fire suppression system. This system activates instantaneously in the event of a fire, but no water stays static in the piping, preven ting accidental water damage caused by broken pipes or other such failures.

Exterior

Careful examination of the exterior of the home reveals many significant details. Foremost among them is the stone. Low wished the front of his home to reflect his stature as one of the most influential and prosperous men of the community. To that end, he purchased large, rectangular blocks of high quality stone for the front facade (facing the river and the community of Raritan Landing), most likely quarried in the Newark area. This may seem a far distance from which to acquire stone, but Low came to Raritan Landing from Newark and still had business associates there. Also, as a successful merchant, he had ships available to him for transport of the stones.

Low, though, was a frugal man, as indicated by the stone used on the three sides of the house not facing Raritan Landing and unseen by visitors or passers- by. These sides were built of rubble stone, or irregular pieces that required minimal finish work. This type of stone was much less expensive than that installed on the front of his home.

There is also a ledge, or sill course, located approximately three feet up from the ground and encircling the house. This sill makes the house appear to be sitting on a pedestal and is another feature Low used to add stature to the home appearance.

Constructing his home the way he did, Low was making sure it looked impressive to all who saw it, and that the structure represented his high stature within the community of Raritan Landing. It was his way of showing the best he could afford, and is similar to steps the modern-day homeowner may take.

Kitchen "ghost"

The kitchen "ghost" or rather shadow of a since removed structure, is visible due to the different color mortar between the s tones. This shadow shows the original location of the kitchen wing of the house.

Within the shadow on the exterior, you can still see the outline of the doorway that led into this room. Due to its proximity to the kitchen, this room was most likely used primarily for dining or entertaining. Other rooms in the home served multiple functions, determined by the need. We believe the Metlar family removed the kitchen around 1870 for unknown reasons. At that time, the portion of the home currently used for our kitchen and restroom facilities assumed the function of the meal preparation area.

Crooked windows

The windows to the left of the front porch appear to be crooked. In fact, both the first and second floor windows are approximately three inches off square.

When Low lived here, the two basement windows closest to the front entrance were doorways. They allowed access to the basement for Low servants and workers, so that certain goods could be stored there, rather than in the warehouse along the Great Road. The front yard has since been substantially filled but the doorway outlines are still visible in the basement. Sometime after Low death, these doorways altered and turned into windows. Subsequently the house settled. Hence these windows are no longer square.

In the mid-1980s, the front windows, having been severely exposed to the elements, were replaced. Rather than square up the window openings, the restoration firm installed fully functional though crooked windows in their place. It is common in the restoration of a structure of such antiquity, to leave features intact that help show its age and character.

Delft tiles

The fireplaces in the Low House contain original 18th Century Delft Tiles. Delft tiles take their name from the city Delft, in Holland, wher e the tiles were first created in the 16th century. Until that time, tiles had been used as flooring and were made from red clay. If walked on, the glaze on a Delft tile would wear off; therefore it was unsuitable as a floor tile.

By the end of the 16th century the tiles were used as wall tiles in many homes. Dutch houses were built near the water and, given the climate, tiles were ideal for keeping out the dampness and were used on the joining of walls and floors and for walls behind fireplaces.

Delft tiles quickly grew in popularity and were seen in kitchens, cellars, and on fireplaces. The 17th century saw a rise in their popularity with the growth of the Dutch middle class who could afford to have decorative tiles in their houses. The most popular color was blue and white because it imitated the expensive porcelain that was being imported from China.

Their decline in popularity began in the 18th century due to political strife in Holland and changing fashion trends, limited tile manufacturing continued into the 19th century.

Future

The five families that owned this majestic home took their charge very seriously. They were, for the most part, wealthier families who could economically afford the maintenance necessary with a property such as this. More importantly, however, these families respected the historic fabric of the structure.

Because of this, the Low House today is one of only two remaining structures from Raritan Landing, and one of the finest examples of Georgian-style architecture in America. The Lows, Pools, Metlars, Voorhees and the Strongs were all good stewards of the property. Their care has preserved the home so it can be viewed and enjoyed by future generations.

Cornelius Low House Museum

The Middlesex County Cultural and Heritage Commission operates the house as the Cornelius Low House / Middlesex County Museum. The museum presents changing exhibits about state and local history, and offers school, outreach and public programs. Hours are Tuesday through Friday and Sunday, and admission is free. The address is 1225 River Road, Piscataway Township, New Jersey.

References

^ "National Register Information System". National Register of Historic Places. National Park Service. 2009-03-13. http://www.nr.nps.gov/.

^ "Cornelius Low House". New Jersey Historical Trust. http://njht.org/dca/njht/funded/sitedetails/cornelius_low_house.html. Retrieved 2008-10-16. "The Cornelius Low House is one of the finest examples of Georgian architecture in all of New Jersey. Constructed in 1741, the house has survived essentially unaltered. It is one of two remaining buildings from the once-thriving early New Jersey settleme nt of Raritan Landing."

^ "Cornelius Low House / Middlesex County Museum". Middlesex County, New Jersey. http://co.middlesex.nj.us/culturalheritage/museum.asp. Retrieved 2008-10-16. "Cornelius Low was a leading citizen of Raritan Landing, a port community on the Raritan River in central New Jersey that flourished between 1720 and 1835. The Cornelius Low House is listed on the state and National Registers of Historic Places, and was surveyed in 1937 for the Historic American Building Survey. A major restoration of the Low House was completed in 1996."

External links

Middlesex County Cultural & Heritage Commission: Cornelius Low House Museum

Categories: Historic house museums in New Jersey | Museums in Middlesex County, New Jersey | Biographical museums in New Jersey | National Register of Historic Places in New Jersey | 1741 architecture | Georgian architecture in New JerseyHidden categories: Articles that need to be wikified from October 2008 | All articles that need to be wikified | Wikipedia articles needing style editing from October 2008 | All articles needing style editing

0

Yoga for bindas sex

Put you more in harmony with your own body and mind and so, make you a better partner. Help you cultivate and maintain emotional and physical states. Keep you fit and healthy so that you're more able. ;) Allow you to get into some very interesting positions! Not to mention all those ancient secrets locked inside the hundreds of positions of the Kama Sutra! (They're not so mysterious nor are they unattainable, so we'll definitely get to them. ;) ) So this is a series of articles that will help you use yoga toward, not only for some great sex, but also for a better relationship. What I'll show you are a series of things you can do for yourself, as general practices, plus things you can do with your partner. Some of these practices are specifically about sexual goals you may have. Others are more general, having an overall effect on you and on your relationship. These practices become a foundation for building a great relationship and have just plain great sex. You will be ab le to do many of these things even if your partner isn't interested in learning along with you. And some things are about both of you practicing together. The first thing I like to point out is that people generally get what they focus on. If you think orgasms are important, then orgasms generally becomes what your sex is about. If you think you want sex to be about developing your relationship, then that tends to be what you try to use it for. Trouble comes when the partners are trying to use sex for different, conflicting goals. So women often complain that guys just go for that climax. Men get frustrated that women make it all so complicated. In these articles, I'll give you a series of practices that can take you out of that conflict. A good place to start is to understand what your purpose is for any given sexual encounter or for the exercises you are doing at the moment. Sometimes sex can be about having a thrilling finish. Sometimes it can be about developing your rel ationship. Sometimes, you can do yoga practices that simply increase your awareness of each other. Sometimes you can practice your general mindfulness or build your ability to cultivate your state of mind. Since yoga is about union of all aspects of your life, there are things you can do throughout your day, touching on all areas of your life, that can make sex great. These articles will break the exercises down into the following kinds of areas: Things you can do for your own sexuality. Things you can do for your partner's sexuality. Things you and your partner can do to cultivate the sexual rapport between you. Things you can do in your overall life that will also improve your personal sexuality. Things you and your partner can do throughout the day that will improve your general rapport. (This, naturally, spills over into the bedroom.) That means some of these exercises will be very sexual, while some won't seem sexual at all. But it all adds up. :D You just have to pay a ttention to what you're doing at the moment, knowing that, over time, your sex life will get better and better. Description This article is from the series of articles on Yoga and Sexuality, written by Corinne Friesen, the author of "Hurry Up - Relax!" and author of audioyoga.com where you can find a lot of information about yoga. This is a routine for your own yoga practice. It does not require your partner. Instead, it's meant to give you time to develop your rapport with your own body & mind. It will also develop strength and flexibility in key areas. You'll get the best results if you practice this routine 3 - 4 times a week. If you don't have time for that, try doing little bits of the routine throughout the day, whenever you have a minute. For that, the postures that are grouped together on a line of the page make great mini-routines. Of course, this doesn't mean you can't enlist your partner's help! Bumping It Up a Notch Consider practicing in the nude. If you're not used to it, this can be distracting at first, but, over time it can make you feel much more 'at home' in your body. This feeling of naturalness while naked will transfer into more freedom and comfortableness in the bedroom. Consider letting your partner watch you do your routine sometimes. It'll keep your practice from getting boring and it will peak their interest in doing yoga, (and in doing other things!) This can be especially enticing if it's done with the understanding that it's 'look but don't touch!' But, hey, if it does end up there, yoga teaches us to also 'go with the flow'! Encouragement Don't worry about how your body looks. We all have lumps and bumps where we wish there weren't any, and we're all missing curves and lumps where we wish there were some! Your partner is not going to care! They'll love the chance to enjoy your workouts! They'll love that you're doing more and more to make your love life great! If you're doing your yoga and start feeling unhapp y about the way you look, simply notice the feeling, take a nice, slow breath in and go back to paying attention to the stretch and to your breathing. How to Get the Most out of the Following Routine Notice how your body relaxes as you breathe out, which will allow you to stretch a little farther. Do not stretch so much that you feel burning or pain. If you feel like your body has hit a concrete wall, then you're at your limit. When you get to that point, simply breathe and feel your body relaxing for a couple more breaths, then let the posture go. Relax completely in between repetitions, feeling your muscles letting go of the stretch, feeling them relaxing. The full routine will take about an hour. Meditation on Your Breathing This is a basic meditation that will help your ability to simply sit and notice feelings without doing anything about them. With practice, you will be more able to sustain your sexual energy during love making and will be more able to build your sexua l desire during a session. As a result, you will have more rich experiences - and stronger orgasms. :D By Yourself Where & When to Do This Any time, anywhere you have a moment. Best place is in a quiet spot where you'll be undisturbed for 5 - 20 minutes. Best time is in the morning - but any time is good. The Meditation Sitting comfortably or lying down. Be in a position where your body will feel least inclined to move. If you're lying down, have your arms by your sides with a little space between your body and your arms. If you're sitting, your arms can be resting loosely in your lap, elbows slighltly open. Have your face & chin pointing forward, so that your air passages are fully open. Eyes are open and relaxed, not looking at anything in particular. Once you are settled into place, all you need to do is pay attention to your breath as it comes and goes. As you breathe in, hear the air rushing into your head, feel your body opening up. As you breathe out, follow t he breath out into the room. Do this for however long you have. 3 - 5 minutes is a good start. If you become comfortable with 3 - 5 minutes, increase the duration 1 minute at a time. Encouragement During this meditation, it's very common for people to have feelings and thoughts come up. You might notice a flood of emotions start to rise up, or your mind might start to race. Many people start to feel slightly irritated with the exercise, or they start to feel 'ant-sy'. This is OK and is a sign that the meditation is going normally and is working. It shows that your mind is starting to relax, and as it is relaxing you are starting to let go of thoughts and feelings that you have been keeping 'a lid on'. The remedy for this is to simply notice the thoughts and feelings and let them go by breathing in and out. Draw a slow breath in, noticing the air flow in, noticing how your body opens up - and you'll refocus and be back into the meditation. If you can continue, you will eventu ally find that these feelings subside and you reach a deeper state of meditation. The benefit to your life is that it makes you very patient and trains you to enjoy the moment. With Your Partner There are some wonderful variations on this meditation if you want to do it with your partner. With any of these, you may sometimes find your breathing ends up being synchronized. If you are aware of your energy bodies, you might also notice that these exercises start synchronizing your energy bodies, so that the rhythms, flow and colours begin to be in harmony with each other. When that happens, it's very beautiful. Here are three variations of this meditation that are lovely to do with your partner: 1. Simply practice together, in the same room, each of you paying attention to your own breathing. 2. Sitting, facing each other, do the meditation by paying attention to your partner's breathing. You may find it hard to keep your attention on your partner's breath. If your mind wanders , that's OK, just bring your attention back to the exercise. 3. Both of you lie down, curl up in 'the Spoon' position, facing the same direction, one partner snuggled up behind the other, like two spoons in a drawer. Decide ahead of time how long you will do the meditation and if it is or is not allowed to go farther into sexual exploration. Decide ahead of time if you will be paying attention to your own breathing or to your partners', or if you're going to start with yourself and later shift to noticing your partner's breath. Then simply notice the breath as it comes and goes, the movement of your bodies, the sounds, the feel of the breath on your skin. (This is one of my favourite practices! It feels very gentle and it can strongly increase your awareness of each other.) This is a gentle way of becoming more in tune with each other. It can have a delicious side effect of bringing up sexual feels and intensifying them, especially for the person who's belly is being felt. T his will work best if you don't 'work' on it leading to sex, but simply notice what feelings come up and enjoy them as they flow over you.

0

Safe and Hygienic Sex Toys and Vibrators

Why safe and hygienic sex is important?

Safe sex is very important for both male and female sex partners. It keeps unwanted sexual infections away. If you want to enjoy healthier and happier sex life, then you need to keep your sex organs hygienic. You should follow safe sex guidelines that help to prevent all sexually transmitted infections. Unhygienic sex invites infections easily.

You should take necessary precautions for safe sex before using sex aids like sex toys. If you share sex toys with other partners, you need to keep protection level high. Always wash sex toys before any type of sexual foreplay. It keeps you safe if you wash sex toys between acts of sex. You should use separate sex toys for different sexual actions. It ensures safety from sexual infections, which you can catch easily.

Hygienic sex toys and vibrators

Hygienic sex toys and vibrators help to keep your genital organs free from any sexual infection. When you buy sex toys and vibrators, you should ensure that there are no cracks or tears. Hygienic sex toys and vibrators reduce the chances of any cross infection with your partner. If you use one sex toy or vibrator on more than one part for body, then you should wash and clean the sex toy after each use. If you maintain unhygienic conditions, sexual infection can easily grip your genital organs.

Use sex toys that contain high quality material

You should always buy good quality sex toys and vibrators. This ensures safety of your vital sex organs. A vibrator penetrates deep into the vagina. If it is made from ordinary material, it may cause damage to the sensitive blood vessels inside the vagina. It may even give rise to infection in your sensitive parts. Therefore, you should do some extensive research of the market before buying sex toys and vibrators. You can do it easily on the internet.
You can choose among masturbators, strap ons, vibrators, rabbit vibrators, fun vibrators, g-spot vibrators, jelly vibrators, realistic vibrators, classic vibrators, men vibrators, sex machines, Screaming O cock rings, anal toys and glass dildos for enhancing your sex life.

Availability of sex toys and vibrators at online resources

You have an easy option to search for sex toys and vibrators through online resources. There are many websites that provide information about latest and original sex toys available in the market. You can search for these websites and get relevant information.

You can also buy sex toys and vibrators online as this process is quite simple. All you need to do is research the internet and locate websites that sell sex toys. You can easily find all the required information about order processing and the reliability of the sex toys.

Maintenance of sex toys

It is very necessary for you to maintain your sex toys. You should clean the sex toys and vibrators thoroughly. If your sex toys or vibrators work on batteries, then you should remove the batteries after using these sex toys.

You should not expose sex toys and vibrators directly to sunlight or extreme temperature. You can safely put these sex toys in your bedroom drawer. It is always good to keep each sex toy separate and wrap them in cloth to protect and maintain them.

You should clean sex toys and vibrators thoroughly with very warm water. You should not use detergents or soap, unless you are sure it is antibacterial. Dry these sex toys after cleaning. Some kinds of sex toys need lot of care and attention from your side. If you use rubber sex toys, make sure to use them with condom. You should use hot water for cleaning latex sex toys.

There are many misconceptions in the minds of people about women's sex toys. It is general conception among people that only immoral women who have a high libido need sex toys. However, the fact is that sex toys and vibrators are the need of healthy and normal women. Men should soon change their minds about women. They should realize that women who use sex toys are not abnormal. It is the need of women to buy sex toys and vibrators to satisfy their inner desires of sex.

0

Dear Boomer. is Your Sex Life Normal?

Do you ever find yourself wondering if your sex life is normal? Do you equate frequency with normalcy? Do you compare your sex life with your friends? If yes dont worry you are not alone! A lot us sometimes fret needlessly about our sex-lives and sex-drives, thanks to the numerous myths about sex. The following are some of the most common ones;

Myth- Going straight to Sleep after a romantic dinner is not normal.

Fact- It is in fact perfectly normal to want to sleep after a fulfilling meal. Good food can in fact kill your sex-drive and make you sleepy. Its actually better to have sex before you set out for a romantic meal!

Myth- Its not normal if you (women) dont have an orgasm during intercourse.

Fact- Whats more important than an orgasm is how much pleasure you give each other? You may have enjoyed the fore-play but may still not have an orgasm, dont worry, its normal! In fact according to some recent research stu dies most women dont have an orgasm during intercourse, but it doesnt mean they dont enjoy it!

Myth- Men always want sex.

Fact- Completely untrue! Just like women men may not always be in the mood to have sex. In fact this myth is responsible for mens performance anxiety and sometimes erection trouble as well. Its because men believe that its normal to always want sex and they worry about their being normal, when they dont want sex!

Myth- Its not normal to be interested in sex after a certain age.

Fact- False again! Its biologically and psychologically normal to be interested in sex till the end of your life!

Myth: Its normal for women to lose their sex-drive after menopause.

Fact- The truth is far from it! Many women actually enjoy sex more after menopause since they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. Also thanks to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) many women arent plagued with the l ow sex drive and vaginal dryness often associated with menopause.

Myth- You must have sex at least 3 times a week.

Fact- As long as you are both satisfied with the frequency, even if you have sex once in two weeks, its normal! Dont put too much stress on quantity as long as you are both happy with your sex life. If you are not then you will have to talk it out with your partner and figure out the reason for his/her lack of interest.

Finally, good sex is what makes you and your partner happy, everything else is a myth!

Have personal questions? Care to chime in? Come join Boomer Yearbook and make your voice heard.

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

Do you ever find yourself wondering if your sex life is normal? Do you equate frequency with normalcy? Do you compare your sex life with your friends? If yes dont worry you are not alone! A lot us sometimes fret needlessly about our sex-lives and sex-drives, thanks to the numerous myths about sex. The following are some of the most common ones;

Myth- Going straight to Sleep after a romantic dinner is not normal.

Fact- It is in fact perfectly normal to want to sleep after a fulfilling meal. Good food can in fact kill your sex-drive and make you sleepy. Its actually better to have sex before you set out for a romantic meal!

Myth- Its not normal if you (women) dont have an orgasm during intercourse.

Fact- Whats more important than an orgasm is how much pleasure you give each other? You may have enjoyed the fore-play but may still not have an orgasm, dont worry, its normal! In fact according to some recent research studies most women dont have an orgasm during intercourse, but it doesnt mean they dont enjoy it!

Myth- Men always want sex.

Fact- Completely untrue! Just like women men may not always be in the mood to have sex. In fact this myth is responsible for mens performance anxiety and sometimes erection trouble as well. Its because men believe that its normal to always want sex and they worry about their being normal, when they dont want sex!

Myth- Its not normal to be interested in sex after a certain age.

Fact- False again! Its biologically and psychologically normal to be interested in sex till the end of your life!

Myth: Its normal for women to lose their sex-drive after menopause.

Fact- The truth is far from it! Many women actually enjoy sex more after menopause since they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. Also thanks to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) many women arent plagued with the low sex drive and vaginal dryness often associated with menopause.

Myth- You must have sex at least 3 times a week.

Fact- As long as you are both satisfied with the frequency, even if you have sex once in two weeks, its normal! Dont put too much stress on quantity as long as you are both happy with your sex life. If you are not then you will have to talk it out with your partner and figure out the reason for his/her lack of interest.

Finally, good sex is what makes you and your partner happy, everything else is a myth!

Have personal questions? Care to chime in? Come join Boomer Yearbook and make your voice heard.

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

For www.boomeryearbook.com

0

Many Means I Accept Abundant Sex - and You Can Too!

Ask yourself this: What is the aberration amid accepting acceptable sex, and accepting abundant sex? Is it positions used? The affability of your partner? How abundant foreplay you do? How physically fit you are? How able-bodied able you are? Well, these are important, but there are two greater concepts you charge to accept if you wish to accept abundant sex, sending your accomplice wild...

I accept you may accept assertive 'beliefs' about sex. I did too. But it wasn't until I did some account up from the masters of sex that I became absolutely abundant at sex, and accept me if I say I anticipation I was god-like in the bedchamber before account these sex secrets...

Ha! Little did I apperceive aback then. So what 2 means do I use to accept abundant sex? Let me explain briefly:

I apperceive how to body up animal action in my partners. From my aboriginal 'plays' to giving her a loud orgasm, it's all congenital up slowly. This is key to accept ing abundant sex.

I apperceive dozens of sex techniques. This is basic for one reason: Getting unpredictable. As anon as your accomplice starts to adumbrate your moves, the bold is up and the sex becomes beneath great, alone acceptable or even mediocre.

Sex Tip 1

Learn as abounding positions, techniques and sex tricks as possible. This is because you accept to be capricious during a sex affair to get your lover as animal angry as possible. Simply put, if you're anticipated in bed, your lover will anon get angry off.
There absolutely is annihilation worse about sex than arid anticipated sex.

Sex Tip 2

You accept to apprentice the art of getting able to body up animal activation in your lover from alpha to finish. If your lover is not as angry on appear the accomplishment than they were abreast the alpha -- again there accept to be something traveling wrong. Maybe it got too predictable...
Sex Tip 3

It doesn't amount how acceptable searching you are, or how 'big' you are, - what affairs is that you are sexually confident. Someone who is shy and afraid during sex is just irritating. So apprentice as abundant as you can about sex, lighten up sexually and go for it! Get as abundant amusement as accessible for both yourself and your lover and you won't go far wrong...

What about affiliated men calling for buzz sex on their way home from work, or during Thursday Ladies Night Outs? What about them? Are they cheating? No, Buzz sex is not cheating. Buzz sex is entertainment, and it is abundant bigger ball than TV or Porn - its alternate and a lot added 'effective'.

Sex is great, and you should consistently try to adore every affair that you are accepting with your lover. There is no such approach that sex activity will become addled afterwards a brace has been calm for some time. I anticipate this is just an excuse.

You are the one who can accomplish the choice. You can either accept to abort your animal acquaintance with your lover by accepting boring, rushing, and impassionate sex, or about-face up the calefaction and accomplish every animal affair with your lover a accomplishing and agitate experience.

Water based sex lubricant:

This is the favorite sex lubricant; it is actual acceptable and affable to acrylic - diaphragm and condom. The down ancillary is that it can dry up calmly such that animal action gets disconnected from time to time to add added of the baptize based sex lubricants.

Oil based sex lubricant:

This sex adipose will endure best during intercourse, but you accept to be careful, because oil based sex lubricants abase acrylic and as such condoms or diaphragms become chancy protectors adjoin both exceptionable abundance and sexually transmitted disease. Your condom or diaphragm can accord abroad after warning, and oil based sex lubricants can as well could cause affliction to the vagina.

First and foremost, acquaint about your desires appear first. There is no abundant sex after alternate understanding. Talk to your accomplice about the abundance of sex, what anniversary added anticipate about the superior of sex, what you like and do not like about the accepted sex life, and a lot of chiefly what affectionate of changes both parties would like to see. Try to authority this array of affair regularly, like account or weekly. This can be done on the coffee table or in bed. Communication about your sex activity is the aboriginal and a lot of important footfall and cannot be skipped.

House Sex - This is if you are aboriginal affiliated and sex is cast new and exciting. You accept sex frequently in abounding locations in the house.

Bedroom Sex - This if some of the addition has beat off anticipation sex is still acceptable and fun. Just a little beneath common and bound to the bedchamber for the a lot of part.

0

The Treatment of Sex Addiction -- A Psychoanalytic Approach

Treatment For Sexual Addiction -- A Psychoanalytic Approach

It is well known among people in the 12-step sex programs that of all the addictions, sex is the most difficult to master. Far from the notion that sex addiction is the "fun" one, the suffering of dealing with this affliction is enormous. The compulsion is so compelling that it is common for members of the sex recovering groups to be unable to maintain any continuous time of sexual sobriety, giving way to despair and hopelessness. Before treatment, sexual enactment is the addict's only source of safety, pleasure, soothing and acceptance. It vitalizes and connects. It relieves loneliness, emptiness and depression.

Sex addition has been called the athlete's foot of the mind: it is an itch always waiting to be scratched. The scratching, however, causes wounds and never alleviates the itch. Furthermore, the percentage of people who go to therapy or a 12-step program is quite small. The majority of sexual compulsives live in isolation filled with feelings of shame. Almost 100% of the people who come to me for an initial consultation, whether it be for compulsive use of prostitutes, phone sex, a fetish, cross dressing, or masochistic encounters with dominatrixes, relay that beneath the shame they feel in telling me their story, they also experience a sense of freedom that comes from finally being able to share with another human being the hidden, shameful, sexually compulsive acts that imprison them.

This is a condition that gradually bleeds away everything the person holds dear. The life of a sex addict gradually becomes very small. The freedom of self is impaired. Energies are consumed. The rapacious need for a particular kind of sexual experience drives the addict to spend untold hours in the world of his addiction. Inexorably, the compulsion begins to exact higher and higher costs. Whether it be on the internet indulging in sexual fantasies with fantasy people, being on the phone to the sex hot-lines, or frantically searching the net and the S&M clubs for someone who will act out a particular, ritualized fetish fantasy, or cruising the bars searching for the "one" who will have sex in a public toilet, or going to dungeons to be whipped, flogged and humiliated, sex addiction is a devastating illness that takes an enormous toll.

Friends slip away. Hobbies and activities once enjoyed are dropped. Financial security crumbles as sums as high as $40,000 or $50,000 a year are spent on sex. Then there is perpetual fear of exposure. Relationships with partners are ruined, as the appeal of intimate sex with a partner pales in comparison to the intense "high" of indulging in the dark and devious world of sexual compulsion. What is a sex addict? Sex addiction, of course, has nothing to do with sex. Any sexual act or apparent "perversion" has no meaning outside of its psychological, unconscious context. A simple definition of sex addiction is not dissimilar to definitions of other addictions. But a simple definition of this complex and intractable condition doesn't suffice. What sets sex addiction apart from other addictions and makes it so persistent is that the subject of sex touches on our innermost unconscious wishes and fears, our sense of self, our very identity.

Current treatment might include participation in a 12-step program, going to an outpatient clinic, working with the Patrick Carnes material, aversion therapy, or the use of medications to stave off hypersexuality. Most therapy is cognitive-behavioral, designed to help the patient to control or repress the instinct for a period of time, usually out of a desire to comply with the group norms of their 12-step meeting or a need to please the therapist. While I recognize the efficacy the 12-step programs to provide structure and support, in my opinion, the reason that relapse is so prevalent is that these treatment modalities do not effect long-term structural personality change that eliminates the compulsion at its roots. Current treatment does not aim to transform psychic energies so that the reality sector of the mind dominates the personality so that the impulse to act out can be understood and controlled.

While the definition of sex addiction is the same as that of other addictions (recurrent failure to control the behavior and continuation of the behavior despite increasingly harmful consequences), sexual compulsion is set apart from other addictions in that sex involves our innermost unconscious wishes, fears and conflicts. Sex addiction is a symbolic enactment of deeply entrenched unconscious dysfunctional relational patterns with self and others. It involves a person's derailed developmental process that occurred as a result of inadequate parenting. Hence, permanent growth and change are most likely to occur in the arena of contemporary psychoanalysis, which seeks understanding and repair of these unconscious dysfunctional relational patterns along with the development of a more unified and structured sense of self. This new personality restructuring can better self-regulate feeling states without the use of a destructive defense like sexualization and can find meaning, enjoyment, intimacy, meaningful goal setting and achievement from attainable and appropriate sources in life.

The remainder of this paper will give a brief overview of the historical psychoanalytic views about sexual deviance, and will then articulate the current analytic understanding about the dynamics and treatment of sexual compulsions. Any discussion of historical psychoanalysis must, ipso facto, begin with Sigmund Freud. Freud formulated that sexual deviance occurs due to an incomplete resolution of the Oedipus complex, with its concomitant castration anxiety. Unconscious castration anxiety occurs in the person's present-day consciousness in the form of fear of confrontation, retaliation, or rebuke, a sense of inadequacy, and perhaps doubts about gender identity. Sex addiction, according to Freud, is a defensive way to cope with a tenuous sense of masculinity combined with unrelenting anxiety about sex, women, intimacy, aggression, and competition. Analysts that followed Freud held varying views. Sexual compulsions derive from an insatiable need for approval, prestige, power , bolstering of self-esteem, love and security which are experienced as being necessary for survival. The addict experiences the absence of sexual acting out as a threat to his very existence.

Characteristic of any addict is a long history of a disturbed mother-child relationship. An unempathic, narcissistic, depressed or alcoholic mother has low tolerance for the child's stress and frustrations. Nor is she able to supply the empathy, attention, nurturing and support that foster healthy development. The result in later life is separation anxiety, fear of abandonment and a sense of imminent self-fragmentation. This anxiety sends the sex addict running to his eroticized, fantasy cocoon where he experiences safety, security, a diminution of anxiety as well as the quelling of an unconscious wish to establish and maintain the missing, yet essential tie to mother. Typical of this person is the hope that he can find an idealized "other" who can embody, actualize and make concrete the longed for endlessly nurturing parent. This approach is doomed to failure. Inevitably, the other person's needs start to impinge on the fantasy. The result is frustration, loneliness and d isappointment. On the other hand, a mother can be overly intrusive and attentive. She may be unconsciously seductive, perhaps using the child as a replacement for an emotionally unavailable spouse. The child perceives the mother's inability to set appropriate boundaries as seductive and as a massive disillusionment.

Later in life, the addict is hypersexual and has trouble setting boundaries. Real intimacy is experienced as an engulfing burden. The disillusionment of not experiencing appropriate parental boundaries is acted out later in life by the addict's unconscious belief that the rules don't apply to him with regards to sex, although he may be regulated and compliant in other parts of his life. A major theme for all addictions is that they have experienced profound and chronic need deprivation throughout childhood. Addicts in general sustain emotional injury within the realm of the mother-infant interaction as well as with other relationships. Intense interpersonal anxiety is the result of this early-life emotional need deprivation. In later life, the person experiences anxiety in all intimate relationships. Because the sex addict has anxiety about being unable to get what he needs from real people and because his desperate search for the fulfillment of unmet childhood needs inevi tably end in disillusionment, he inevitably returns to his reliance on sexual fantasies and enactments to alleviate anxiety about connection and intimacy and as a way to achieve a sense of self-affirmation.

Sex, for the addict, begins to be his primary value and a confirmation of his sense of self. Feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and worthlessness magically disappear while sexually preoccupied , through acting out or through spending untold hours on the internet. However, the use of sex to meet self-centered needs for approval or validation precludes using it to meet the intimacy needs of a cherished other. Characteristic of this kind of narcissism is the viewing of other human beings not as whole people who have their own feelings, wants and needs, but rather as deliverers of desperately needed satisfaction that shores up a fragile sense of self. This sets up a cycle wherein his narcissism prevents him from deriving satisfaction from mutual, reciprocal relationships in real-life. Sexualizing, once again, is returned to as a magical elixir wherein his needs are magically met without having to negotiate the very real vicissitudes of intimate relationships. A client of min e, a 48-year-old attractive single man, is in the process of the breaking up of yet another relationship. After spending years of living a noxious childhood household, he went into his own world of fantasizing and masturbation as a way to soothe and protect himself.

"When I was a kid, I was obsessed with beautiful women in the magazines. When I was able to date, I went through one woman after another. In adulthood, I knew there was sadness and anger I didn't want to face. To evade them, I had a steady stream of women who worshipped me, soothed me, paid attention to my needs. I went to peep shows and I visited prostitutes. Many a night I would spend hours in my car circling the block looking for just the right street-walker to give me oral sex in my car. One night I had sex with a transvestite. I cried all the way home." He met a girl whom he designated as "perfect my redemption, my salvation."

He became engaged but soon lost interest in the sex, which he described as "boring". While still engaged, he started picking up hookers for oral sex in the car and began compulsively using phone sex. His current relationship is breaking up because he picked a woman for her youth and beauty (which reflected well on his narcissistic self).

The rest of the story is predictable. They moved in together and the beautiful, young, sexy female started become real and having needs of her own. He admits he never felt warmth or love for her; she was merely a supplier of his narcissistic needs. As the relationship deteriorates, he fights the impulses to return to sex with strangers who don't make demand on him. Another client of mine, a 38-year-old married man, has a compulsion to visit prostitutes. Three years into the treatment, he was finally able to talk about his anger towards his mother for depriving him emotionally through neglect and for never touching or caressing him. He can now make a connection between visits to the prostitutes and his hostility against mother for depriving him of sensual pleasure. He got lost in the mire of his parents' constant feuding.

"When I was very young I would put a blanket on my genitals as a kind of soothing which I wasn't getting from my parents. The rest of my life was a struggle to find other ways to soothe myself. When I discovered prostitutes, I thought I was in heaven. I can get sex now and be in total control. I can have it immediately, any way I want it, whenever I want it. I don't have to concern myself with the girl, as long as I pay her. I don't have to concern myself with vulnerability and rejection. This is my controlled pleasure world. This is the ultimate antithesis of the deprivation of my childhood."

The use of sexualization as a defense is a common theme that runs through the psychoanalytic literature. A defense is a mechanism the young child devises to psychologically survive a noxious family environment. While this way of protecting himself works well for a period of time, the continuous use of it as an adult is destructive to the person's ongoing functioning and sense of well being. By losing himself in sexual fantasies and constantly seeing others as potential sex partners, or by erotic internet enactments, the sex addict is able to significantly reduce and control a wide variety of threatening and uncomfortable emotional states. Most addicts control or bind potentially overwhelming anxiety via the addiction process. Diminution of depression, anxiety and rage are some of the pay-offs that operate to facilitate and maintain life in the erotic cocoon. I quote another patient which illustrates a case of narcissistic personality together with the use of sexualization as a defense. He is a 52-year old attractive, successful single man.

"I went on a date the other night. She wanted sex. I didn't. It's predictable. I don't think I can even maintain an erection anymore. While a spend untold hours compulsively websurfing to live in my erotic fantasies, when it becomes real, when you find someone who seems to be the embodiment of your sexual pre-occupation, interest soon wanes as her wants and needs come into the picture. Sometimes, I don't even bother with the pursuit of real women, because I know the inevitable result is disillusionment. I'm simply not prepared to meet somebody else's needs. Oddly enough, my life is still dominated by sex. It becomes the lens through which I view everything. I go to a family gathering and get lost in sexual fantasies about my teenage nieces. I live in constant fear of being found out to be a "pervert". I see a woman on the train dressed in a way that triggers me, and I'm ruined for the day. Regular sex just doesn't do it for me anymore. It's got to be bizarre or forbidden o r "out of the box". I arrive at work in an erotic haze. Women around me are all objects of sexual fantasy. I'm distracted; not focused. If something requires my attention, when real life intrudes and yanks me out of my sexual preoccupation, I get angry. Real life is so boring. Ordinary sex with a girlfriend holds no interest for me."

This patient uses sexualization as a defense. He uses his sexual pre-occupation as a way to ward off chronic feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and emptiness born of a childhood trying to get nurturing from a withdrawn, depressed mother. When stress or anxiety begins to overwhelm the regulation of his emotions, he is beset by intense urges to indulge in his fantasies and enactments. Sexualization thus becomes his standard way of managing feelings that he perceives to be intolerable as well as a way of stabilizing a crumbling sense of self-worth. It is my belief that sex addiction requires a contemporary psychoanalytic approach. Psychoanalysis changed drastically in the 1970's with the work of a prominent psychoanalyst who jettisoned the Freudian approach and established a kind of treatment that is particularly useful in treating sex addiction. Contemporary analysts no longer conduct treatment three-times a week on the couch. They do not unearth hidden meanings, or remain s ilent, or put themselves on a "thrown" as being the "One Who Knows".

The process is a shared one and the relationship between patient and therapist is co-created and mutual. Some contemporary psychoanalysts use the concept of a vertical split in treating the addict. The split exists from inadequate parenting which results in structural deficits in the personality. Patients often report that they feel fraudulent, living two separate lives with two different sets of values and goals. They feel they're acting out a version of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde." One sector of the personality, the one anchored in reality, is the responsible husband and father. This part of the person is conscious, adaptive, anchored in reality, structured, and often successful in business. This is also the sector that experiences guilt and shame about his sexual behaviors and ultimately drives him to seek therapy to ameliorate his misery. The "Mr. Hyde" side of the vertical split has a completely different set of values and seems to be impervious to h is own moral injunctions. "Mr. Hyde" represents the unconscious, split-off part of the personality. It is impulse-ridden, lives in erotic fantasy, and is sexualized, unstructured and unregulated. This side of the vertical split seems to be incapable of thinking impulses through, and thus is oblivious to the consequences of his behavior. This is the part of the self that is hidden, dark, driven and enslaved.

A comprehensive discussion of the actual process of therapy is beyond the scope of this paper. Suffice to say, the therapist uses him/herself as an instrument in integrating the split which results in personality structure building. Treatment bridges the gap of the split. Its aim is the establishment of a relationship with the therapist that regulates emotional states, is used as a "laboratory" to bring to consciousness maladaptive relationship patterns, provides empathy and understanding and reconstructs the childhood origin of the addiction. The goal is an integrated self that is able to merely experience a sexual fantasy without being preoccupied with it and without acting out a damaging sexual scenario. The patient achieves some ability to self-regulate moods, and to seek out adequate and sustaining available supportive relationships both in and out of treatment. He is then free to put sexuality in its proper place and free up energies to gain satisfaction from real re lationships, pursue creative or intellectual goals, obtain pleasure from hobbies and activities, and have a heightened sense of self-esteem, thus enabling him to end his isolation. He is then free to love, to have deeply satisfying, self-affirming sex, work to his potential, and experience being a valued member of the human community.

0

Legal Sex Tourism

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.