OK guys, just in case you've been watching too much porn and you've forgotten how real sex happens, here's a checklist of 10 of the worst things you can do in bed (and sometimes out of it) with a woman...
1) Pounding away in her pussy like your life depended on it. Sure, some women do like hard and fast thrusting, especially those who get off with G spot stimulation, but you'd better check this out before you start hammering away, just in case she's one of those girls who prefers gentle, romantic sex. Mind you, if you get the foreplay right - which means about 20 minutes of cuddling, kissing and stroking, unless she's really hot for it - she might turn into one of those girls who wants you to give it to her hard and fast.
2) Coming on her face - or for that matter any other part of her body - without checking it's OK first. One of the truly abusive things you see in porn, all over the place, is the way men or groups of men ejaculate on some submissive woman's face. Come on guys, you really think that she's in that position, being humiliated by disgusting slobs shooting their loads over her face, by choice? It's ridiculous to think that women appear in porn through some kind of feminist, liberated choice - they do it because they need the money, and the more desperate they are, the worse the humiliation they take. Coming over a woman's face isn't an act of love, though it might be arousing to you if you have a shadow hatred or fear of women. Just ask her if she's up for it before you try it. Then of course, if you do find she's keen on it, you might want to consider what her self-esteem's like.
3) Objectifying her, seeing her as a sex object, and not a real person. Closely linked to the consumption of porn, you gotta ask yourself how much respect you have for women if you find you're constantly thinking of your partner as a way to relieve your sexual tensions. How much time are you prepared to invest in foreplay, or getting to know her for who she really is? And are you one of those guys who does what a woman wants just as a means to get in her pants?
4) Not ensuring she has an orgasm. You know something? These days sexual liberation might just have gone a bit too far. If you're 30 or under and you've grown up with abundant free porn all around you on the Internet, you might have the impression that a woman will come in a screaming orgasm if you do nothing more than shove your cock into her and thrust hard for a few minutes. If she's not informed enough or brave enough to tell you you're a half-assed jerk and you need to improve your sexual skills, she might never come unless she does it for herself. So if you don't know where the clitoris is and what it's for, Google it right now. By the way - a horny, aroused women is a much better partner in bed than a woman who's not turned on and who you're just using for your own pleasure. But you knew that anyway, didn't you?
5) Watching porn in her presence, forcing her to watch porn with you, or acting like some kind of sullen nerd when she says she doesn't like it. Why so much gripe about porn? Simply because it's all around us. And it changes us. When scientists at the University of Montreal tried to research the effects of porn on young man, they had to abandon their study because they couldn't find any men who hadn't seen porn. The average age at which males start watching porn these days is 10. Now, do you think that's right? Do you think 10 year old boys should be watching porn?
As it happens, the scientists concluded that men stopped watching porn which they found distasteful or offensive. But I've got another view: I think that abusive, violent and humiliating porn erodes the humanity and morality of the guys who watch it, and that almost all men watch it because we have a strong desire for novel and different sexual experiences. But whether or not you think I'm right, just respect the fact that a woman may not find porn quite as arousing or exciting as you do, and may even want you to stop watching it. A woman's greatest desire in a relationship is to be cherished and to be more important than anything or anyone else. If you give the impression you find porn more exciting than the woman you go to bed with, you've got a problem, mate.
6) Not bothering to control your premature ejaculation. So you come quickly? So what? It's no big deal - at least in the sense that three quarters of men come within two or three minutes of penetration. If you want to make love in a way that pleases your woman - i.e. like a real man, a man who has the ability to control himself and can choose when to ejaculate during sex - then you'd better learn how to last longer in bed just as soon you can. Start by getting your head in the right place: that means you treat your woman as an equal, not some massively dominant mother figure, or some bitch you can fuck and toss aside. Then make a decision that you're going to control your rapid ejaculation, and make an effort to get some self-control in bed. That way you can begin to find out what good sex is really all about.
7) Acting rough during sex without checking with her first. Sure, plenty of women like a bit of rough play during sex. Slapping, hair pulling, even tossing her around the bed a bit, can all be good fun between consenting adults. And that's the key word - consenting. Start by gently tugging her hair, say, see how it goes, and if she's into it you can up the amps a bit. Same goes for dirty talk, by the way: she might find it arousing to be called a dirty little slut while you fuck her, but then again she might not, and you'd better make the right call if you want to get off again with her.
8 Forcing her into something that turns you on, but she finds unpleasant. You know what, I'm mostly thinking of anal sex here, though I guess swallowing your load when she's giving you head might be another one to put in this category. If you want to get it up her butt, you need to talk to her about it before you get into bed and start having sex.
Trying to poke her up the ass as though it was an accident won't cut it - after she's done screaming with pain, she'll probably also be done with you. If she agrees to try it, take it slowly and find out how to do it before you start. That means plenty of lube and respecting her if she decides to stop part way through. As for the split/swallow issue, just grow up. If she doesn't want to take your cum in her mouth and swallow it, what the heck does it matter?
9) Never romancing her. So you enjoyed the chase, while you were trying to get her into bed, right? But now you've been fucking for a few days/weeks/months, the novelty's worn off a bit, right? Romance is so boring - like foreplay. Why, you wonder, can't she just have sex without all the romance, the foreplay?
Well, mostly because women generally need to be engaged with you emotionally before they want sex with you. And the best way to engage with a woman is by showing her how special she is to you. Which is true, right? And that's done by romancing her, taking the time and trouble to make her feel cherished and special. If you do it right, she'll want you more than you know, and the sex will be great.
10) Turning over and going to sleep afterwards. What a cliche, eh? Well, when a woman opens up to you, she gives you more than her body: she gives you her trust, makes herself vulnerable to you. And anyway, sex has a more profound meaning for her than it does for you - it's something she only gives to guys she respects or likes - that is unless she's a porn star, or she's been abused and now thinks of herself as a sex object.
(OK, OK, I hear you: Women sometimes just want sex for sex's sake. But you know what I'm saying. And if you're thinking, "Unless she's just a horny bitch", then I guess you need to check out how you really feel about women.) Anyway, back to the point - to show her you appreciate what she's given you, and to respect her feelings and needs, for goodness' sake, cuddle her after sex before you go to sleep.
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