Ok, here's the situation. You've been married 5, 10 or even 25 years. You are faithful both in your relationship with your spouse and your relationship with God. Your sex life with your spouse has had its peaks and it has definitely had its valleys. There are times when you have been left wondering "is there more"? Your upbringing, your values and your "hang-ups" often leave you feeling guilty for wanting more. "Is there a book or a video that can help me through this? You know, like a Christian sex guide?" There is no denying you are human and your sexual urges and desires are a part of you. You wonder if there is some sort of Christian sex guide out there with the "dos and don'ts" and is it really so bad if you "do"? The fact of the matter is that "no" it isn't bad if you "do". And "yes" there is a Christian sex guide that can help you take your sexual relationship with your spouse to the next level. You can be adventurous in your sexual relationship with your spouse. Yo u can take intimacy and sex to new levels.
Here are four simple concepts to begin to open up to each other and create opportunities for new sexual experiences together.
#1 - Talk. This is your spouse. Sometimes once we claim that label, we also relinquish the idea of pursuing and wooing each other. It is okay to woo her again. You need to be keeping a little courtship going from time to time. Husbands, plan an evening of romance. A romantic table setting with dinner from a beloved restaurant, candlelight, soft music in the background. This is going to take some courage on your part. You're going to need to step up and let her know she's worth the effort. Set the mood, with excitement of more to come. Pursue her! Create a space that will help you both relax and de-stress from the day you have had out in the world. Create a moment to appreciate just being in each others company.
#2 - Write. Guys, this is foreign territory for most of us. But I'm telling you, your words on paper have such power and meaning for your wife. On a little card by her plate, write your feelings (or, if you're feeling particularly brave, even a poem). You don't need to be long or eloquent. How about this? Start with "I love you". Our most beloved possessions are those from the heart, not the corner store. Tell her how she has changed your world. Acknowledge her gifts and her beauty. Just share something from your heart!
#3 - Touch. Your touch tells her you aren't afraid of her or ashamed or repulsed by her. It sounds over the top but believe me, your wife has received messages from the world, and maybe even from you, that she is undesirable. Your touch begins to undo those messages. After a leisurely meal, take her hand and lead her to the couch. Share a glass of wine. Better yet, share what she loves. Keep hold of her hand and whisper to your her the same things you wrote in the card. Stroke her cheek. Share with her how you delight in touching her. Share with her how excited you are at that moment to be able to touch her and what it is doing to you.
#4 - Do. Kiss her. Gently and quickly at first. Just brush her lips. And share more touch and words. If you have reached out to her heart, if you have honoured her, the remainder of the night belongs to the moment. If making love is going to be part of the experience, don't just rush in. Here is the kicker...ask her permission! "Honey, you are my everything. I love our life and our marriage. May I make love to you?" This is a gesture of humility and honor. You are making no assumptions. You are respecting her space and her time. You are asking for the very thing that the rest of the world just wants to take. This is the person you are married to, the person who loves you for you and judges you least of anyone on earth. Share your desire for her. Meet her needs first! She comes first. (Pardon the pun, but, dang, it works!)
Your wife is a treasure, a gift. Treat her like one. And do it without expectation of returns between the sheets. Give without expecting in return, making her your number one priority.
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